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Quips & Tips, Plus an Announcement

Posted in Miscellaneous on May 4, 2012 by jrvitalis

I want to start this post by thanking each and every one of you for taking the time out of your busy lives to share this small slice of my life each week. As I look back on the 100 posts I’ve written over the last year-and-a-half, I can only hope that you’ve enjoyed reading them as much as I’ve enjoyed writing them. From bottlenecks to negotiating tactics, Puppy and Kitten have put my MBA to good use and kept me on my toes in the process!

I have no doubt that their antics will continue as we move forward, but I’m going to take a (semi)brief hiatus from posting in order to help prepare my family for our upcoming out-of-state move and help the girls get acclimated to our new home. I hope to be back at it in the not-too-distant future; please don’t forget to check in every once in awhile, or the easiest way to keep tabs on me is to click “subscribe” on the right hand corner of the screen; enter your e-mail address, and you’ll automatically get an e-mail whenever there is a new post. (Don’t worry, you won’t get any spam or other e-mails, only posts from this blog).

Happy spring to all of you, and for now, I’ll leave you with some of my favorite new quips from Puppy and Kitten. Enjoy!

 

Puppy: Mom, can we fit an apple into our agenda when we get home?

Puppy (munching on an apple a few minutes later): This apple is exquisite!

 

Puppy: I don’t play with boys!

Me: What about your friend Squirrel?

Puppy: He’s been hanging out with me so long he’s practically a girl.

 

Puppy (about a scratch above her eye): If it doesn’t heal it won’t end up good, like how the scar above your eye camouflages in with the rest of your wrinkles.

 

Kitten (waiting for a playdate): If they don’t come, I’m cancelling my playdate. Literally. I’ve been waiting hours for this day.

 

Kitten (pointing to fancy dress she’d outgrown): I want to keep this so when I am a teenager I can wear it to a ball and go strutting in my heels.

 

Me (to Kitten when she stands up and walks away from dinner table): Where are you going?

Kitten: Oh, just to mind my own business.

 

Me: Kitten, do you want me to show you where we are moving on the map?

Kitten: No thanks, I’d rather it be a surprise.

 

 

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East Bunny Follow-up

Posted in Miscellaneous, Uncategorized with tags , on April 14, 2012 by jrvitalis

Those of you who read my blog yesterday know that I had it on good authority that Puppy was going to find a letter from the Easter Bunny under her pillow last night. And sure enough, she did. After heading for bed, Puppy came running into the living room, screaming with delight and waving the letter wildly. She curled up on the couch to read it with a huge smile plastered on her face. After she finished, she jumped off the couch. “I’ve got to go check my bed!” she yelled.

“Why?” I was baffled.

“The Easter Bunny said he left me a carrot!”

That’s when I had to explain that the expression “a carrot of wisdom” was a bunny twist on the idiom “a pearl of wisdom.”

“You’re probably right, Mom,” Puppy said, “but I better check my bed just to make sure!”

(And just for the record, the Bunny Rabbit would definitely left a carrot under her pillow if he (or she) had been smart enough to think of it!)

 

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Dear Easter Bunny

Posted in Miscellaneous on April 13, 2012 by jrvitalis

If I were a betting man (or woman), I’d put money on Puppy growing up to be an entepreneur. She’s smart, tenacious and definitely has the perseverance necessary to make a go of anything she sets her mind to. I was reminded of this a couple of days ago when Puppy wrote the following letter:

Dear Easter Bunny.

Hi, my name is Puppy. What is your name? Can I ask you some questions? Good. The first question is: How much kids do you visit on Easter night? 2: Are you really busy? 3: Do you visit your family ever? 4: Do you live with your family? 5: Where do you live? 6: Have kids ever seen you? 7: Are you real?

Please write back to me and answer my questions.

From, Puppy

Knowing the Easter Bunny wouldn’t respond, I  told her the Easter Bunny was waaaaaay too busy to answer letters, but she insisted on leaving the letter on the mantle.

The next morning, Puppy popped out of bed, certain a response from the Easter Bunny would be waiting.

But the only thing there was her letter, unopened. I pointed out that the Easter Bunny only visits on Easter and suggested that it might be unreasonable to expect two visits from the Easter Bunny in one year.  ”But I know the Easter Bunny will answer me Mom. I just know it!” That night, she repositioned the letter on the mantle to make sure the Easter Bunny could see it.

The look on her face the next morning when she realized the Easter Bunny hadn’t found or responded to her letter was heartbreaking. But she wasn’t ready to give up just yet. So off to school she went.

This pattern repeated itself again this morning, but Puppy refuses to give up. I suspect the Easter Bunny has taken note of her determination. I have it on good authority that when she goes to bed tonight, she’ll find a letter under her pillow that reads something like this:

Dear Puppy,

Thank you for your note. I love getting letters from kids! It’s not very often that I have the time to answer them, but you asked such great questions I just couldn’t resist pulling out my typewriter. (You probably don’t know what that is: ask your Mom or Dad).

My name, of course is Easter Bunny. First name Easter, last name Bunny. You were probably thinking “The” was my first name, with Easter being the middle and Bunny being the last, and that’s what I go by, but my bunny certificate simply reads “Easter Bunny.” As for how many kids I visit, I stopped counting many, many generations ago. But one thing I can tell you for sure is this: it’s a lot!

Visiting so many children keeps me very, very busy. I usually sleep for at least a week after Easter just to recover. I don’t have to go visit my family, because they all live here at Easter Springs with me! Please don’t tell anyone where I live; the last thing I want is reporters showing up at my door day and night. All of their questions would take me away from my work, you know.

Anyway, back to your questions. After I recover from my Easter deliveries, I start planning for the next year. It’s quite an operation to design and produce so many eggs and gifts!

It’s hard to say if I’ve ever been seen. I sincerely hope not and do my very best to make sure I don’t do any deliveries until I’m sure the children are already asleep. As far as I know, I’ve never been caught in the act!

And, finally, your last questions: am I real?

That, my dear, is a question you must answer yourself. I will leave you with this carrot of wisdom: always trust your heart, because it will never lead you down the wrong garden path.

Happy hopping,

The Easter Bunny

p.s. as much as I’d love to carry on this wonderful correspondence, I’ve got to turn my attention to next year’s eggs; I’m sure you understand?

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Puppy Quips 3

Posted in Miscellaneous with tags on February 17, 2012 by jrvitalis

Puppy (falling asleep on Christmas Eve): I feel a smile spreading across my face.

 

Puppy: Rich is when you can go to Disney World without worrying about how much it costs.

 

Puppy: I’m sweating like a ring-tailed lemur!

 

Me: Give me a kiss.

Puppy: Where are you going?

Me: To bed, I’m not feeling good.

Puppy (as she hops from one foot to the other): Can I go to the bathroom first? Otherwise, I’ll give you a quick kiss and hug and not enjoy it.

 

Me: You are such a good kid.

Puppy: I know. Modest, too.

 

The girls were watching a movie set in the 1940’s when I overheard this conversation:

Kitten: Is this movie in the olden days like Laura and Mary (from Little House on the Prairie)?

Puppy: No, this movie is set in the middle ages.

 

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Kitten Quips

Posted in Miscellaneous on December 30, 2011 by jrvitalis

 

Kitten: We didn’t learn about allergies in school today.

Me: You didn’t?

Kitten: No, we learned about things in our bodies.

Me: You did?

Kitten: Yes, like did you know that some birds can fly?

 

Kitten: Me and a friend tried to clean my room but it didn’t end up well.

Me: Why not?

Kitten: We ended up playing.

 

Me: Kitten, run downstairs and get your dad for dinner.

Kitten: You married him. You run down and get him.

 

Kitten: Yes, it’s true, I’m trusting you.

 

Kitten: Mom, I’m not rubbing away your kiss. I’m rubbing away your slobber.

 

Kitten (Looking at a photo album from before she was born): What about me?

She thinks for a minute.

Kitten: Oh, they were still getting the parts for me.

 

Kitten (to a friend): Did you know the universe has to give you your parts?

Friend: But I already have all my parts!

 

Kitten: Mom, I’m wanting karma because my lips are chapped (carmex).

 

Kitten: I’m the coolest kid in history.

 

Kitten: Is California real?

Me: Yes.

Kitten shakes her head no.

Me: Why not?

Kitten: Because I think California is China.

 

Kitten: Daddy, if you say that again, I have a fist and you have a nose. So do you want your knuckle sandwich large, medium or small? Those are your choices.

 

And on that note, I’d like to wish you all a Happy New Year. Thanks for taking the time to follow my blog in 2011, and I look forward to hearing from you in 2012!

 

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Cooking Companions

Posted in Miscellaneous with tags , , on December 23, 2011 by jrvitalis

 

During business school, one of my favorite activities was to spend the day wandering Manhattan with my husband. Not aimlessly, but with a list of items we’d need to prepare our dinner that night. After returning to our apartment many miles later, we’d open a bottle of wine and leisurely prepare a scrumptious meal together.

 

My, how times have changed.

 

Today Kitten was my cooking companion. Our recipe? Chicken. This was only my second time preparing a whole bird, and suffice it to say that it went much, much better than the first time I attempted the feat. Nevertheless, gone are the days where I leisurely sipped wine while cooking. Instead, the dinner preperations went something like this:

 

Kitten (Sitting on the counter with a disturbed look on her face as I skinned the chicken): You mean it’s dead? Like really dead?

 

Me: Well, yes, you can see that it’s really dead.

 

Kitten: Really, really dead?

 

Me (Pulling the skin off a leg): Yep, really, really dead.

 

She then bombarded me with a multitude of questions, including how the chicken died, what they did with the feathers, and whether chickens really count as birds since they don’t fly.

 

All in all, I thought the discussion went pretty well and frankly I was pleased to have the distraction, as sticking my hands in the netherregions of a rather large poultry isn’t exactly my idea of a terrific afternoon.

 

Finally, plunking the bird in the crock pot, I asked Kitten if she’d like to see what the inside of the bird looked like once everything was pulled out.

 

I lifted the bird up and she tentatively peered over the side of the pot.

 

“For heavens to Betsy,” she exclaimed. “That is disguisting!”

 

I couldn’t have said it better myself. Maybe a glass of wine isn’t such a bad idea after all.

 

(I realize I haven’t exactly made a great sales pitch, but for those of you who can stomach the preparation and want a delicious chicken recipe, follow this link. My only recommendation is that you substitute sweet potatoes for regular potatoes. Enjoy!)

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Puppy Quips

Posted in Miscellaneous with tags , on December 2, 2011 by jrvitalis

 

Me (Pointing at Puppy’s backpack as we walk out the door to the airport): What’s that?

Puppy: Oh, that’s just my back-up plan for Kitten if she starts melting down on the airplane.

 

Puppy (referring to my homemade split pea soup): Mom, no offense, I’m not being mean, but this kind of looks like baby throw-up.

 

Puppy: I’m not inclined to wear sunscreen today.

Me: What do you mean, you’re not “inclined”?

Pupppy: Sunscreen is not my favorite lotion, you know.

 

Puppy: I wouldn’t wear tennis shoes just for the sake of wearing them. I would only wear them if it were appropriate, like we were going for a walk.

 

Puppy: Let’s get up tomorrow before the rooster croaks.

 

Puppy: It’s vertices day. (Veteran’s day)

 

Puppy: I can’t fall asleep. I can still smell Kitten’s morning breath on my pillow.

 

Puppy, after tasting a Butterfinger candy bar for the first time: “Hey, that didn’t taste like butt at all!”

 

Puppy (looking at our delivery of Girl Scout cookies): Mom, can you do me a favor? I know Dad likes Thin Mints an awful lot, so can we hide one box before he gets home to make sure there is some left for me?

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The Princess and the Frog

Posted in Miscellaneous with tags on November 10, 2011 by jrvitalis

As I was pondering the topic for my next post, I received an e-mail from a CBS contact that contained a link to the blog Zen Habits. Curious, I clicked on the link and was delighted to discover that the most recent post pertained to the Rules of Effortless Parenting.

The rules were a fantastic review of many of the parenting values that I hold dear and, for the most part, I think I measure up pretty well when it comes to applying the rules to my own parenting. But for some reason, Rule #1, Teach Kids to be Self-sufficient, was still swimming around in my head as I fell asleep that night.

At first glance, my kids measure up quite well when it came to self-sufficiency. For example, Puppy is responsible for getting her backpack packed in the morning, keeps her bedroom clean, and even assists in meal preparation.

Things become a little less solid when it comes to Kitten, which is to be expected since she’s three years younger. Truth be told, as the “baby” of the family, she still enjoys little perks like having Mommy and Daddy dress her in the mornings and often sits in my lap during mealtimes.

This mental inventory helped me realize that there is still plenty of room for improvement when it comes to building self sufficiency skills in my kids. For example, while Puppy and Kitten are expected to clear their plates after meals, they’ve never been asked to help with the dishes. And their dirty clothes? Well, those inevitably end up on the bedroom floor. It didn’t take me long to come up with a small list of extras I could include in our routine to help encourage their transition into “big kids.”

The next morning, I announced that it was time to amend some of our family rules. “You two are growing up,” I said, “and I want to make sure you know how to take care of yourselves.” I explained how it was time for them to start assisting in more chores, like the laundry and cleaning up the kitchen after meals.

There was a pause, and then Puppy piped up. “Your right Mom. We don’ t want to turn out like the frog. What if we grow up not even knowing how to chop mushrooms, for goodness sake!”

It took me a moment to figure out that she was returning to the scene in the Princess and the Frog, where the frog (a former prince) had never lifted a finger in his entire life and couldn’t figure out how to chop mushrooms for Tiana’s gumbo.

With a few small adjustments in our household routine, I can rest easy knowing my girls are in no danger of ever growing up to be frogs!

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Top 10 Ways to Tell If You Are a Parenting Failure

Posted in Miscellaneous with tags , on October 14, 2011 by jrvitalis

We were hiking with family friends recently when the other dad said something about Pez dispensers. Puppy piped up, “What’s a Pez dispenser?” The dad looked at Puppy like she had two heads and then turned to me and said, “What kind of parent are you? I can’t believe your daughter doesn’t know what a Pez dispenser is!” We all had a good laugh and moved on, but the question lingered in my mind. If I’d failed at something as important as introducing my children to Pez dispensers, what other crucial areas might I be missing? With that in mind, here’s my list of the top ten ways to tell if you are a parenting failure.

You Know You Are a Parenting Failure When Your Child …

#10 doesn’t know what a Pez dispenser is

#9 doesn’t know how to properly eat an Oreo cookie

#8 comes home from preschool mad because she’s learned that the lyrics to Three Blind Mice are actually “who cut off their tails with a carving knife,” rather than “she looked at them and laughed so nice.”

#7 has never danced in the rain in her pajamas (or worn her pajamas to school or other public venue)

#6 believes only Dads can fix things

#5 believes only Moms can cook

#4 doesn’t know who Justin Bieber is (this one is particularly funny because Puppy suggested it, and I know for certain she has no idea who Justin Bieber is other than having heard his name at school!)

#3 thinks the pickle on her Happy Meal cheeseburger makes it nutritious

#2 thinks the “Mother Approved” stamp on boxes of sugar-filled cereals means you personally approved them.

And here it is, the #1 indicator that you might be a parenting failure:

When someone asks your child her name (let’s say its Betty) and she answers, “Betty no-no.” (You laugh, but this actually happened to someone I know!)

Are you guilty of any parenting failures on this list? The good news is, it’s never too late to sharpen your parenting skills, so bust out the Oreos and Pez dispensers and get to work! (And if you think of any indicators that should have been on this list, please share!)

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Kitten Quips 3

Posted in Miscellaneous with tags on September 23, 2011 by jrvitalis

Kitten: I want my birthday to be in June.

Me: You’re in luck. Your birthday is in June.

Kitten (with wonder in her voice): It is?

Me: Yep.

Kitten: Does that make me lucky?

 

Me (eating Zucchini from the garden): Oooh, that is good stuff.

Kitten: Puppy can’t stand bikini.

 

Kitten: At school, a kid budged in line.

 

Kitten: I discussed with the babysitter that I was hungry.

 

Kitten: (Watching roadrunner, who crashed): Ooooh, that’s gonna leave a mark.

 

Kitten: Mom, how about you make hula?

Me: What’s hula?

Kitten: You know, chicken.

Me: You mean chicken mole?
Kitten: Yes, chicken hula.

 

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