Stop Pinching Your Sister! ***

Obtaining Buy-in

Obtaining buy-in is a critical component of leadership within any type of organization. One of the most notable cases in recent years was Barak Obama’s success in not only reaching voters during the election process, but also incentivizing them to act on his behalf. 

So how can we apply this concept to our parenting? For young children, the answer begins with looking at the world from their perspective. Let’s take Kitten for example:

When I say, “Let’s go to the park,” we go. When I say, “Let’s have a snack,” we eat. When I say “Let’s take a bath,” we take one.

But when Kitten says, “Let’s go to the park,” the answer is no. When she says “Let’s have a snack,” the answer is no.  When she says, “Let’s take a bath,” the answer is no.

From her perspective, the world is both unfair and unpredictable. She doesn’t understand that we can’t go to the park because it’s only ten degrees outside, that we can’t have a snack because we’re about to each lunch, and that we don’t have time for a bath because it’s already an hour past bedtime. She just understands that the world – her life – is out of her control.

By giving her choices – simple choices both of us can live with – I am taking an important first step toward obtaining her buy-in. I am helping build her self-confidence and give her a sense that the world isn’t quite as random and chaotic as it might otherwise feel.

Our attempts to give her a sense of control over her life are obviously working, because a few days ago I told her what our plans were for the day. She looked at me and pulled out a small notebook she had in a purse she was carrying. “Just a minute,” she said, “I have to check my schedule.” After studying the scribbles in the notebook, she calmly looked at me and said, “Yes, I’m available.”

Another important tool in obtaining buy-in is through the use of humor. Getting Puppy to brush her teeth, for example, used to require a superhuman level of effort, particularly at night. She was (is) an extremely high-energy child, and we simply couldn’t get our hands on her for what she viewed as a tedious pre-bedtime ritual.

So one day, instead of our usual brush-your-teeth-right-this-second routine, I started hopping like a frog and croaking, “ribbit,” as I headed for the bathroom. Prepared for a battle, Puppy was so startled she followed me just to find out what was going on. She soon caught on, and laughed all the way to the bathroom, where she happily brushed her teeth while pretending she was a frog. The next night it was a monkey, and for weeks afterward, there was a different animal every night.

Do you have any creative techniques for obtaining buy-in with your kids?