Archive for Ethics

Busted!

Posted in Ethics with tags , , on January 20, 2012 by jrvitalis

Ethics are a frequent topic of discussion at our house. I often encourage the girls to try to make good decisions not because they are afraid of getting in trouble if they don’t, but because it’s the right thing to do. And as a parent, I try to set a good example by doing things like going back into the grocery store when I discover an item I didn’t pay for in my cart. Apparently, my efforts are paying off, because I recently had a major lapse in judgment, and Puppy was more than happy to point out the error of my ways.

We were at an outlet mall after a long day. The outlet mall was divided into two halves by a road. We needed to get from one side to the other, and since we were all tired and hungry, we decided to drive rather than walk our tired crew across. Crawling in the car, I told Kitten she only had to buckle the top of her five point harness. As he started the car, my husband pointed out the police car behind us.

“I guess we’d better buckle all the way,” I sighed.

There was a long silence in the car, then Puppy piped up.

“Let me get this straight,” she said. “You don’t care at all about our safety, only about getting a ticket?”

I was busted. And truthfully, quite embarrassed that I’d set such a poor example for my kids. In the future, I’ll take extra care to make sure I do the right thing. Not just because it’s the right thing to do, but because I’ll know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I’m being watched.

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My Moral Dilemma

Posted in Ethics with tags , , on June 3, 2011 by jrvitalis

In b-school, we were required to take an ethics course. The class was interesting, but it didn’t do much to help me last night. My problems started when Puppy lost a tooth. Yes, I know this is the second tooth in a week – she keeps this up and she’ll be gumming her dinner soon. Anyway, this was particularly bad timing on her part because her dad was out of town, and I’m a terrible Tooth Fairy.

Remember how I forgot to do the whole tooth fairy thing when her tooth fell out last week? Yeah, well, that happens regularly at our house. I’m not sure what my problem is. Santa, the Easter Bunny – I’ve got them all covered. When it comes to the Tooth Fairy, I’m a total failure.

But without my husband as back-up, I had to get it right this time. In an effort to make sure I’d remember, I wrote “tooth” in big letters across a notebook on my desk.

Of course it didn’t occur to me Puppy would read it.

She did. “Why’d you write that?”

“Um,” I stuttered, “So I can remember to tell your dad you lost a tooth.”

Fortunately, she bought that story, but after bedtime, I realized I had bigger problems. Like the fact that I didn’t have any cash. Zip. Zero. None. I don’t generally carry much cash anyway, and it just so happened that I’d just used my last few bucks at the post office.

So here’s the thing. The only person in the house with money was Puppy.

I know. I know. That’s just wrong, right?

But what choice did I have?

As I snuck into her room, unzipped her wallet and borrowed a dollar bill, I couldn’t help but wonder what my ethics professor would have said about my actions. Then my answer came to me. I wouldn’t just return the dollar to her wallet the next day when I got cash, I’d return the dollar, plus interest.

I’m pretty sure I made my ethics professor proud.

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Don’t Be One of “Those” Parents

Posted in Management with tags , , on July 23, 2010 by jrvitalis

I’d like to think I’m not one of “those” parents. You know the kind. The ones that think their children are perfect and can do no wrong. Don’t get me wrong. I think my children are amazing. But perfect? That’s a tall order. Still, after my posting last week about honesty and ethics, I was feeling pretty proud of my children, not to mention my parenting skills.

Until this morning, when I walked out of the bathroom in our small hotel room to find my children nose-to-nose in front of the television.

“You colored on car!” Kitten was screaming.

“I did not!” Puppy was hollering back.

“Yes, you did!” Kitten’s face was turning red. I immediately figured out Kitten was referencing an incident that had occurred yesterday, as we were packing for our trip. Loading Kitten in the car, my husband found crayons markings all over the interior of our car, where Kitten had been hanging out during the packing process.

With Puppy looking on, my husband and I had both immediately launched into a lecture about making poor decisions.

As we crawled in the car and hit the road, I thought that was the end of the story. But now, standing in front of the two girls, I had a sudden flash of intuition. There was something about Kitten’s tone that screamed “I’m telling the truth.” Couldn’t be, I told myself. Puppy is a rules-follower. She would never do something like that. Even as a very young child, we never had to worry about her drawing on walls or sneaking food in the living room. She just didn’t do things like that.

Or did she? Before I could think it through, I followed my gut. “Puppy,” I said, “It was you who drew on the car, wasn’t it?”

Collapsing in tears, Puppy nodded. I was astonished on two levels. One, this just wasn’t the kind of thing Puppy did. Kitten? Definitely. She believes rules are created to be broken. But not Puppy. And to lie about it? Wasn’t it just last week I did the posting on ethics and honesty? What about all of our discussions?

As Puppy looked up at me, I could tell she was expecting me to react with anger. Instead, I sat her down and explained that I didn’t expect her to be perfect. What I do expect, I explained, is for her to take responsibility for the choices she makes. I’d like to think my disappointment made a far bigger impression on her than any level of anger I could have displayed, but only time will tell. In the meantime, I can rest assured I’m not one of “those” parents!

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Doing Wrong

Posted in Management with tags , , , , , , on July 15, 2010 by jrvitalis

A normal, active, almost-six-year-old, Puppy loves to tell a good whopper, and man can she come up with some doozies.

Me: What did you do with your babysitter today?

Puppy: (Giggling) Nothing much. Tied her to a tree and dunked her in cold water.

Obviously Puppy isn’t trying to pull the wool over my eyes – she’s just being silly and testing her boundaries. But she did go through a period several months ago where she routinely tried to lie about trivial things (brushing her teeth, etc.). I consulted my parenting manuals, and according to the “experts”, the best approach for young children experimenting with lying is to communicate to them the importance of honesty, and not put them in a position where they would be tempted to lie (in other words, until they have the maturity to make the right decision, don’t give them the opportunity to make the wrong decision).

Seemed like reasonable advice to me. We frequently talk about ethics and the importance of honesty, and I thought this was a topic that I’d done a pretty good job drilling into Puppy’s head.

Imagine my surprise at lunch today when Puppy piped up:

“Mom, remember when you were gone and Daddy was feeding me corn?”

I nodded.

“Well, I didn’t want to eat it and he had to take Kitten potty, so I dumped it down the sink and put my bowl over it so he would think I was done.”

Thinking fast, I responded: “Well, I’m proud of you for telling the truth.”

Puppy: “Yeah, well, that was back when I was four. I do things like that a lot. Then I wait a long time to tell you so that you’ll think it’s funny and I won’t get in trouble.”

(Did I mention she’s only five-and-a-half?)

I have to admit I was at a loss here. On one hand, she was absolutely right – I did think it was pretty darn funny. On the other hand, there is nothing at all funny about the fact that my child, not yet six, has figured out how to work the system, not to mention the fact that she feels the need to do so.

The really ironic thing about all of this is that as I sat down to write this post, I looked at a book Adam dumped on my desk just this morning. “I thought you might find this interesting,” he’d said. The title? The Cheating Culture: Why More Americans are doing Wrong to Get Ahead, by David Callahan.

As much as I’d like to say I picked up Callahan’s book and read it from beginning to end, I have to admit I skipped straight to the end, where he promises some tips on fixing our “cheating” culture.

Among other solutions, Callahan suggests the following:

  • Start a formal character education curriculum at an early age (in schools)
  • Encourage youth to participate in community service (to see themselves as part of a larger community)
  • Teach ethics at the collegiate and MBA level

Clearly, I’ve got my work cut out for me!

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Create a Conscious Consumer

Posted in Marketing with tags , , , , on March 8, 2010 by jrvitalis

As a marketing student at CBS, I struggled with the ethics of marketing, and advertising in particular. Was it really right, I wondered, to put pictures of cartoon characters on the front of sugar-filled cereal boxes? Or to use scantily clad teenagers to promote clothing lines? Or to airbrush models to “correct” their “flaws” on the covers of magazines?

When I asked one of my professors to help come to terms with this dichotomy, he helped me reframe the issue. In its purest form, he explained, advertising is a process by which companies help consumers identify solutions for their needs. Hairy legs? You need a razor! Hungry? We sell food!

Fair enough. I, for one, love it when I am introduced to a product that fills a need in my life.

But what about those other ads? You know the ones I’m talking about. The ones that try to sell me something I don’t even want, much less need. Rather than providing useful information, these types of ads seem to be designed to create a sense of inadequacy so that their product can fill our (newly identified) “void”.  For example, I’m cruising through my day feeling pretty good about life when BOOM! I see an ad for perfume. There’s an impossibly thin, yet voluptuous ,drop-dead gorgeous, scantily-clad woman wrapped in the embrace of a man who just stepped off the cover of a Harlequin Romance. I can’t help but notice that I’m not as tall as her. Or as thin. Or as pretty. Or as fashionable. Wow! All the sudden, I realize how woefully inadequate I really am. Maybe her perfume will help me feel better.

OK, hopefully you are all rolling your eyes right about now. We’re all a little more savvy than that. We know that buying a bottle of perfume (or air freshner, or a new car, or whatever) isn’t really going to solve our problems.

We know that. But what about our children? As a parent, one of the most valuable tools we can give our children is to teach them to become a conscious consumer. In order to do that, we need to help our children develop an (age-appropriate) awareness of the messages they are receiving, and start giving them the tools they need to learn to process these messages.

In our house, we rarely watch television, but when we do, I make a conscious effort to watch the advertisements with Puppy and Kitten. We often talk about the ads – what kind of products they are selling, and what kind of message the ads are sending.

Does this mean my daughters are going to grow up free of the negative messages they are exposed to on a regular basis? Not likely. But a few months ago when Puppy saw an advertisement for fast food flash across the television screen, she looked at me and said, “I know they are just trying to trick me into wanting that so they can have my money.”

I was at once proud of her insight, and terrified that I’d created a cynical little human being, unable to trust the world around her.

It’s a balancing act, but I think in the long run teaching my daughter to become a conscious consumer is going to pay off. And who knows, maybe someday she’ll even major in marketing. :)

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