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Busted!

Posted in Ethics with tags , , on January 20, 2012 by jrvitalis

Ethics are a frequent topic of discussion at our house. I often encourage the girls to try to make good decisions not because they are afraid of getting in trouble if they don’t, but because it’s the right thing to do. And as a parent, I try to set a good example by doing things like going back into the grocery store when I discover an item I didn’t pay for in my cart. Apparently, my efforts are paying off, because I recently had a major lapse in judgment, and Puppy was more than happy to point out the error of my ways.

We were at an outlet mall after a long day. The outlet mall was divided into two halves by a road. We needed to get from one side to the other, and since we were all tired and hungry, we decided to drive rather than walk our tired crew across. Crawling in the car, I told Kitten she only had to buckle the top of her five point harness. As he started the car, my husband pointed out the police car behind us.

“I guess we’d better buckle all the way,” I sighed.

There was a long silence in the car, then Puppy piped up.

“Let me get this straight,” she said. “You don’t care at all about our safety, only about getting a ticket?”

I was busted. And truthfully, quite embarrassed that I’d set such a poor example for my kids. In the future, I’ll take extra care to make sure I do the right thing. Not just because it’s the right thing to do, but because I’ll know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I’m being watched.

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Product Flops

Posted in Marketing with tags , on January 13, 2012 by jrvitalis

It’s obviously worst-case-scenario for any company to invest heavily in a new product or service, only to have it flop. Yet the scenario is not uncommon. Here are a few notables:

*Cosmopolitan yogurt (Yes, Cosmopolitan as in the fashion magazine)

*Colgate kitchen entrees

*Bic underwear

And then there is the plethora of celebrity endorsements (Tiger Woods) and cancelled television shows that never live up to expectations. The truth of the matter is, no one really knows for sure what is going to work, and what isn’t. The same holds true of parenting techniques, and what works with one child often doesn’t work with another.

For example, my family was having dinner with Squirrel, Otter and their parents. The kids were outside eating while the adults enjoyed a quiet dinner inside. Suddenly, Otter banged in the house and demanded a glass of water from her mother.

In our house, when our children forget their manners, I often use humor to remind them. I decided to do the same with Otter.

“Otter,” I said, “don’t you mean please may I have a glass of water my mother whom I love and adore?”

She looked at me like I had three heads.

“Quick,” I grinned, “say ‘please my mother whom I love and adore’ before your mom drinks all your water!”

After a few more rounds, she realized that playing along was the only way she was going to get her cup filled, and she acquiesced.

“Please, mother my door,” she mumbled.

I started to explain that it was “mother whom I love and adore”, but by that time she’d given up on the water and disappeared back outside.

Thank goodness I hadn’t invested any time or money in that one––my efforts were definitely a flop!

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Cooking Companions

Posted in Miscellaneous with tags , , on December 23, 2011 by jrvitalis

 

During business school, one of my favorite activities was to spend the day wandering Manhattan with my husband. Not aimlessly, but with a list of items we’d need to prepare our dinner that night. After returning to our apartment many miles later, we’d open a bottle of wine and leisurely prepare a scrumptious meal together.

 

My, how times have changed.

 

Today Kitten was my cooking companion. Our recipe? Chicken. This was only my second time preparing a whole bird, and suffice it to say that it went much, much better than the first time I attempted the feat. Nevertheless, gone are the days where I leisurely sipped wine while cooking. Instead, the dinner preperations went something like this:

 

Kitten (Sitting on the counter with a disturbed look on her face as I skinned the chicken): You mean it’s dead? Like really dead?

 

Me: Well, yes, you can see that it’s really dead.

 

Kitten: Really, really dead?

 

Me (Pulling the skin off a leg): Yep, really, really dead.

 

She then bombarded me with a multitude of questions, including how the chicken died, what they did with the feathers, and whether chickens really count as birds since they don’t fly.

 

All in all, I thought the discussion went pretty well and frankly I was pleased to have the distraction, as sticking my hands in the netherregions of a rather large poultry isn’t exactly my idea of a terrific afternoon.

 

Finally, plunking the bird in the crock pot, I asked Kitten if she’d like to see what the inside of the bird looked like once everything was pulled out.

 

I lifted the bird up and she tentatively peered over the side of the pot.

 

“For heavens to Betsy,” she exclaimed. “That is disguisting!”

 

I couldn’t have said it better myself. Maybe a glass of wine isn’t such a bad idea after all.

 

(I realize I haven’t exactly made a great sales pitch, but for those of you who can stomach the preparation and want a delicious chicken recipe, follow this link. My only recommendation is that you substitute sweet potatoes for regular potatoes. Enjoy!)

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Beauty and the Beast

Posted in Accounting with tags , , on December 16, 2011 by jrvitalis


We recently bought tickets to take the girls to Beauty and the Beast. The night before the performance, we decided to watch the movie so that the storyline would be fresh in all of our heads. I had no idea that the experience would be loaded with learning opportunities for the girls, who were bouncing off the walls and giddy with excitement.

 

Not long after the movie started, I couldn’t resist asking Puppy what she thought of Gaston.

 

With her eyes glued to the screen, Puppy was quick to denounce his priorities. “All he cares about is beauty. He’s not a very nice guy.” She thought for a second. “And Belle is smart. She cares about books and learning.”

 

That’s when my husband jumped in. “That’s what you call a misalignment of goals.”

 

He started to explain, but it was clear Puppy had already moved on. And while I liked my husband’s take on Belle and Gaston’s relationship, I was pleased Puppy had made a connection, on her own terms, about their values.

 

Later, I got each of us a bowl of ice cream. Before I could pour chocolate sauce on my husband’s bowl, he jumped up and pulled out the caramel sauce. When I set Puppy’s chocolate sundae in front of her, she looked over at her dad’s and exclaimed, “Hey, no fair! If I had known there was caramel sauce, I would have asked for that.”

 

Again, my husband piped up. “That’s what is known as information asymmetry.”

 

This time, Puppy demanded an explanation. As I sat listening to them banter, I realized we still had more than half the movie, not to mention the entire play, ahead of us.

 

Who knew Disney could be so educational?

 

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Puppy Quips

Posted in Miscellaneous with tags , on December 2, 2011 by jrvitalis

 

Me (Pointing at Puppy’s backpack as we walk out the door to the airport): What’s that?

Puppy: Oh, that’s just my back-up plan for Kitten if she starts melting down on the airplane.

 

Puppy (referring to my homemade split pea soup): Mom, no offense, I’m not being mean, but this kind of looks like baby throw-up.

 

Puppy: I’m not inclined to wear sunscreen today.

Me: What do you mean, you’re not “inclined”?

Pupppy: Sunscreen is not my favorite lotion, you know.

 

Puppy: I wouldn’t wear tennis shoes just for the sake of wearing them. I would only wear them if it were appropriate, like we were going for a walk.

 

Puppy: Let’s get up tomorrow before the rooster croaks.

 

Puppy: It’s vertices day. (Veteran’s day)

 

Puppy: I can’t fall asleep. I can still smell Kitten’s morning breath on my pillow.

 

Puppy, after tasting a Butterfinger candy bar for the first time: “Hey, that didn’t taste like butt at all!”

 

Puppy (looking at our delivery of Girl Scout cookies): Mom, can you do me a favor? I know Dad likes Thin Mints an awful lot, so can we hide one box before he gets home to make sure there is some left for me?

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Less is More

Posted in Management with tags , , , on November 25, 2011 by jrvitalis


For those of us in the United States, yesterday was a day of Thanksgiving; a time to count the blessings in our lives and enjoy our families. Unfortunately, with Christmas just around the corner, we are also being bombarded with images of what we “could” have.

We live in a culture that conditions us to want more, more, more. More money, more prestige, more choices. Paradoxically, research by Sheena Iyengar, a Columbia Business School professor and author of The Art of Choosing, indicates that offering too many choices actually leads to lower levels of satisfaction.

Sounds counterintuitive, doesn’t it? But think about it. How many times have you been overwhelmed by making some simple decision, and then afterward kicked yourself in the pants for having made the wrong choice? But with so many options, how could you possibly have picked the right one?

This lesson hit home recently during a birthday party Puppy attended at Chuck E. Cheese. For those of you who aren’t familiar with the venue, Chuck E. Cheese is a children’s destination that allows kids to play games in exchange for tickets, which they can later trade in for prizes. Having earned something like 110 tickets, Puppy had a wide selection of toys to choose from.

She stood at the counter agonizing. First it was a sucker and a bracelet. Then a top and a sucker. No, maybe a notebook and a pen. On and on it went. She was one of the first children at the counter, and was still standing at the counter after every single party attendee had traded in their tickets and made their selections.

Finally, I gave her a two minute warning. Puppy managed to make her final selection (a sucker and a green plastic lizard) before I had to put my foot down, and she seemed thrilled with her choices.

But it wasn’t five minutes into the ride home before I heard Puppy mumble, “I should have chosen the orange lizard.”

That’s when it hit me; the whole process was so overwhelming, it would have been virtually impossible for her to have left feeling like she’d made a good choice. Maybe less really is more.

(As an aside, Dr. Iyengar happens to be blind, making her research on choices all the more compelling. There is a fascinating New York Times article about her and her work at this link.)

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The Princess and the Frog

Posted in Miscellaneous with tags on November 10, 2011 by jrvitalis

As I was pondering the topic for my next post, I received an e-mail from a CBS contact that contained a link to the blog Zen Habits. Curious, I clicked on the link and was delighted to discover that the most recent post pertained to the Rules of Effortless Parenting.

The rules were a fantastic review of many of the parenting values that I hold dear and, for the most part, I think I measure up pretty well when it comes to applying the rules to my own parenting. But for some reason, Rule #1, Teach Kids to be Self-sufficient, was still swimming around in my head as I fell asleep that night.

At first glance, my kids measure up quite well when it came to self-sufficiency. For example, Puppy is responsible for getting her backpack packed in the morning, keeps her bedroom clean, and even assists in meal preparation.

Things become a little less solid when it comes to Kitten, which is to be expected since she’s three years younger. Truth be told, as the “baby” of the family, she still enjoys little perks like having Mommy and Daddy dress her in the mornings and often sits in my lap during mealtimes.

This mental inventory helped me realize that there is still plenty of room for improvement when it comes to building self sufficiency skills in my kids. For example, while Puppy and Kitten are expected to clear their plates after meals, they’ve never been asked to help with the dishes. And their dirty clothes? Well, those inevitably end up on the bedroom floor. It didn’t take me long to come up with a small list of extras I could include in our routine to help encourage their transition into “big kids.”

The next morning, I announced that it was time to amend some of our family rules. “You two are growing up,” I said, “and I want to make sure you know how to take care of yourselves.” I explained how it was time for them to start assisting in more chores, like the laundry and cleaning up the kitchen after meals.

There was a pause, and then Puppy piped up. “Your right Mom. We don’ t want to turn out like the frog. What if we grow up not even knowing how to chop mushrooms, for goodness sake!”

It took me a moment to figure out that she was returning to the scene in the Princess and the Frog, where the frog (a former prince) had never lifted a finger in his entire life and couldn’t figure out how to chop mushrooms for Tiana’s gumbo.

With a few small adjustments in our household routine, I can rest easy knowing my girls are in no danger of ever growing up to be frogs!

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Who Gets What?

Posted in Management with tags , , , on October 25, 2011 by jrvitalis

With the death of the visionary businessman Steve Jobs, the issue of succession planning has undoubtedly been on the minds of corporate leaders around the world. I didn’t realize it until yesterday, but apparently it is a topic up for discussion in our household as well.

Both Puppy and Kitten were home sick with croup. Puppy was working on a sewing project, and I’d pulled out a kit I keep that contains a variety of miscellaneous items such as pins, old jewelry, and buttons. Having never seen the kit before, the girls were delighted. They set aside their projects and immediately began sorting through the kit, digging for treasures.

Before long, Puppy held up a small fabric pouch containing a small gold chain and pendant. “When Mommy dies,” she shrieked, “I get this!”

Not one to be left in the dust, Kitten jumped on the bandwagon and grabbed a small pack of amethyst stones. “Yeah, and when she dies, this one is mine!”

With that, the floodgates were opened and both girls raced to stake claims on their treasures.

I sat watching in bemused silence, remembering full well all the times I’d made similar comments to my mother as a child.

Finally, Puppy and kitten grew tired of the game and fell silent.

“Girls,” I pointed out. “When Mommy and Daddy die, everything we have is going to be yours.”

“Yes,” Puppy piped up, “But with all this stuff, I think there is going to have to be some serious coin tossing to decide who gets what!”

Her comment wasn’t totally out of left field because when my grandmother passed away recently, she wrote something similiar into her will. As the mother of fourteen children, she must have known the issue of handling her estate would be complicated. Always one to think outside the box, Grandma directed that each child label each item in the house they wanted with a stick-it note. After the funeral, anyone with their name on an item with more than one name on it was directed to roll a dice for that item. Whoever had the highest roll “won” the item. This simple but creative solution removed much of the drama from what otherwise may have been a long, painful affair, and while I hope it will be many years before my children have to worry about such matters, I’m happy to know this issue has already been resolved in our household.

I wonder if Apple can say the same?

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Top 10 Ways to Tell If You Are a Parenting Failure

Posted in Miscellaneous with tags , on October 14, 2011 by jrvitalis

We were hiking with family friends recently when the other dad said something about Pez dispensers. Puppy piped up, “What’s a Pez dispenser?” The dad looked at Puppy like she had two heads and then turned to me and said, “What kind of parent are you? I can’t believe your daughter doesn’t know what a Pez dispenser is!” We all had a good laugh and moved on, but the question lingered in my mind. If I’d failed at something as important as introducing my children to Pez dispensers, what other crucial areas might I be missing? With that in mind, here’s my list of the top ten ways to tell if you are a parenting failure.

You Know You Are a Parenting Failure When Your Child …

#10 doesn’t know what a Pez dispenser is

#9 doesn’t know how to properly eat an Oreo cookie

#8 comes home from preschool mad because she’s learned that the lyrics to Three Blind Mice are actually “who cut off their tails with a carving knife,” rather than “she looked at them and laughed so nice.”

#7 has never danced in the rain in her pajamas (or worn her pajamas to school or other public venue)

#6 believes only Dads can fix things

#5 believes only Moms can cook

#4 doesn’t know who Justin Bieber is (this one is particularly funny because Puppy suggested it, and I know for certain she has no idea who Justin Bieber is other than having heard his name at school!)

#3 thinks the pickle on her Happy Meal cheeseburger makes it nutritious

#2 thinks the “Mother Approved” stamp on boxes of sugar-filled cereals means you personally approved them.

And here it is, the #1 indicator that you might be a parenting failure:

When someone asks your child her name (let’s say its Betty) and she answers, “Betty no-no.” (You laugh, but this actually happened to someone I know!)

Are you guilty of any parenting failures on this list? The good news is, it’s never too late to sharpen your parenting skills, so bust out the Oreos and Pez dispensers and get to work! (And if you think of any indicators that should have been on this list, please share!)

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Think Outside the Box

Posted in Management with tags , on September 30, 2011 by jrvitalis

Think outside the box may be the biggest cliché in business, but there is a reason it lives on. It works, both in business and in parenting. Take nighttime at our house for example. Until recently, Puppy was never a great sleeper, and Kitten struggled to make it through a night without calling for Mom or Dad. It’s not far from the truth to say I’ve read every “how to get your kids to sleep” book on the market, and at various times I’ve implemented techniques from many of the books.

But despite advice from the experts, I’ve found one of the most useful techniques to encourage sleep in my house has been a tool I’ve not seen in any baby sleep book: a dreamcatcher.

Dreamcatchers—round hoops with webs woven inside and decorated with feathers—are from Native American traditions. Tribes such as the Ojibe believed that dreamcatchers had the ability to filter dreams, allowing good ones to pass through and trapping the bad.

The dreamcatcher turned out to be a lifesaver for Puppy, who would blow her bad dreams into the dreamcatcher at night and go back to sleep, secure in the knowledge that only good dreams would be allowed in her head.

The dreamcatcher worked with Kitten, too. Until a few weeks ago when she woke up in the middle of the night scared of the shadows on her wall. After comforting her, I encouraged her to blow her scary thoughts into the dreamcatcher and go back to sleep.

She shook her head. “Mom,” she said. “The monster wasn’t in my heart, it was on the ceiling!”

I consider myself fairly adept at thinking outside the box, but in my middle-of-the-night stupor, I couldn’t come up with a response.

Oh well. The sleep was good while it lasted.

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